Movie Review: “Brooklyn’s Finest”
Summary: Three interconnecting stories about the mean streets of Brooklyn, where crooked cops and gangsters collide.Review: Urban gangster films are the westerns of today. Just like westerns, nearly every possible idea has been squeezed out of these flicks whether they take place in Los Angeles, Chicago or New York City. Brooklyn’s Finest is a valiant effort to tackle typical storylines that are consistently caked with drugs, guns and the latest urban slang. The talented director, Antoine Fuqua, seemed to have originality in mind, but the stretch for intricate plotlines and to be more than just another gangster flick may have given Finest the final bullet… and there were a lot of bullets in this movie.
One plot would’ve been good enough, but three woven stories felt like a diced version of The Wire crammed into a feature-length film. First, there is Richard Gere, a soon-to-be retired cop who has a drinking problem and a thing for Latin prostitutes. Then, Ethan Hawke is a struggling cop who needs immediate cash to support his struggling family. Lastly, Wesley Snipes and Don Cheadle play old-school gangsters, but one of them is an undercover cop. Will his loyalty be to his friend or the NYPD?
Gere and Hawke, who are eternally flawless actors, are disposable characters until the ending. Cheadle and Snipes are the heart of the film, but Cheadle seems miscast as a gangster. His ‘hood swagger comes across as forced and uncomfortable, and weakens even more next to Snipes, who clearly knows his way around a gangster role (Nino Brown!).
Fuqua relies on some horrifically violent scenes that have as much blood as the Saw franchise. Even with the gore , he manages to perfectly capture New York City with slick cinematography and filming directly in the projects. Still, there isn’t enough meat to the story for an audience to latch on, there’s tons of downtime, and predictability plagues the flick.
Like many of these urban crime-dramas, the final scenes are always the best. During the last 15 minutes, the suspense kicks in with every character linking together, helping us to remember the sophistication and grit of Antoine Fuqua’s Training Day. Unfortunately, forgettable but Fuqua still has an incredible vision for cinema; I would be interested to see him explore films outside of the crime genre.
Brooklyn’s Finest is in theaters now.
Movie Review: “The Crazies”
Summary: A virus breaks out causing residents of a small rural community to go “crazy.” An honorable sheriff tries to save his family and friends.Review: The Crazies is a remake from 1973, but the original version isn’t in the catalog of horror film classics that most people remember. For most audiences, this flick will not feel like a remake, but rather a governmental horror flick that is lively and properly paced … one more millisecond of running time (101 minutes) and The Crazies would’ve been an addition to the list of stupidly crazy horror movies.
The Crazies is padded with horror film clichés, but thankfully the director, Breck Eisner, does not lose himself in torture pornography that most movies are obsessed with today. There is nothing new or necessarily memorable in any frame; there are villains, heroes and a few disposable characters that will be killed off. But, the film does a solid job of entertaining, which is all you can expect from a movie that is basically about zombies. We have all seen it and jumped at it before.
What keeps The Crazies from seeming crazy is a strong plot (for a horror movie) full of an evil government, backwards country folk and logical enough scenarios. The characters seem realistic and you rarely say “Huh?” Even the extra-loud crazies who were sitting a few rows behind me cheered for the characters — you know a horror flick has done its job when the audience is rooting for the characters versus yelling at the screen, “Just kill the b*tch!”
Toward the end, The Crazies gets a bit loopy with redundant clichés or lifesavers always arriving at the right moment. However, just when the flick is about to turn into another knock off from 28 Days Later, the movie ends on an explosive, good note. There just might be a sequel.
The Crazies is in theaters today.
Movie Review: The Wolfman
Summary: Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) is bitten by a werewolf and now he is cursed as a werewolf. The town hunts him down, family secrets are revealed and the hairy beast manages to find love.Review: I used to think Benicio Del Toro couldn’t pick a bad movie. His list of films are practically flawless. Unfortunately, The Wolfman leaves a gash in the Oscar winner’s resume — but, hey, everybody gets one. The only thing The Wolfman has going for is the Hollywood gloss — when it’s not padded with unrealistic CGI. The director, Joe Johnston, managed to capture the grit of 1890s London, but that is the solitary redeeming piece of this flick.
The Wolfman tries to be a respectable horror film, but it gushes with uppity dialogue, bad accents and huge plot holes. The movie is only a few horror screams away from being as bad as Friday The 13th. I’d rather watch Teen Wolf on repeat than yawn through The Wolfman again. It’s the type of movie where you can fall asleep for 20 minutes, wake up and realize you didn’t miss a thing.
Flaws that shoot a bullet through the heart of The Wolfman: Humans morph into werewolves at a full moon — well, in 1891 London there is a full moon every night. Nightly, the hairy beast is pouncing around London howling at the moon and snapping off human limbs. Is this consistent full moon a mystical sign of global warming from the Victorian-era? Maybe they should’ve added an environmental plot line and, to make it even sillier, a cameo from PETA — I think wolves being depicted in a ghastly movie like this is a better fight than Kelis. But, I digress…
There are some interesting scenes, particularly when Del Toro morphs into a werewolf in front of a crowd of skeptics. It’s the one scene where everything is bright (if lighting was actually like this movie in real life, Joan Rivers would never need plastic surgery!), and we get to properly see the transformation. However, what dampens these entertaining transformation scenes is one has to believe that his clothes are made out of lycra because this werewolf somehow fits into his gear even when he grows double his size in seconds — maybe he wears Spanx!
Going the romance route can easily demolish a “horror” flick, which is what happened in The Wolfman. Imagine if Jodie Foster found love with Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs? Emily Blunt as the constantly sobbing damsel made the movie feel like a bloody Bridget Jones Diary with a hairier male lead.
Thankfully, the acting is strong but not even Del Toro and the legendary Anthony Hopkins can save this flick. The Wolfman is a remake from 1941 and further proof that some classics need to remain in their time. But, just like werewolves are cursed, so is the film. According to published reports, the movie was re-edited several times, the release date pushed back (originally scheduled to be released in November 2008) and scenes were re-shot. Looks like The Wolfman never had a chance to truly howl.
The Wolfman is in theaters today.
Movie Review: Valentine’s Day
Summary: A heap of interconnecting stories about random lovers celebrating Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles.Review: Regardless of the star-studded cast and being directed by Hollywood icon Garry Marshall, anyone can tell that Valentine’s Day is a gimmicky, unoriginal, grossly pink eyesore. The movie is capitalizing on the weekend of February 14th in the same way that a new installment of the Saw series is released every Halloween. A good flick is secondary; pack in over a dozen celebrities, stick to an ancient formula and Valentine’s Day will be the number one film of the weekend. By February 15th the flick will be forgotten and probably on DVD at a discounted price by March 1st.
Valentine’s Day tramples through several plots such as an 18-year-old who wants to lose her virginity, a phone sex operator, a sports reporter who is a self-proclaimed player, and a florist. The good — the scenes go through at lightning speed so right when the audience is about to be nauseous at the bad dialogue (”She’s like sunshine!” or “An ache in my heart the size of Texas!”) and predictability — the viewer is thrown over to a new storyline. That said, most of the stories are disposable. Some of the more original plots that had a different take on V-Day, like the closeted gay man or a woman returning home from war, might have made the movie better if these ideas were fleshed out and others left for deleted scenes.
Valentine’s Day is flooded with cameos and I can imagine most of the actors filmed their scenes in one day. Here is an edited list of who pops up: Julia Roberts, Queen Latifah, Jamie Foxx, George Lopez, Anne Hathaway and Ashton Kutcher. Regardless of the cheesy script, there is rarely any bad acting with the majority of these seasoned actors — until you get to Grammy-winning country star, Taylor Swift. Not since Madonna in Who’s That Girl? have I seen such an annoying performance on screen. The only thing that could’ve saved her jittery acting is if Kanye West had stormed her scenes and made the audience feel sorry for her (again). That might’ve resulted in an Oscar nod for Miss Taylor! But, maybe with some proper coaching and a hands-on director she could improve.
With a movie that looks splattered with Pepto Bismol, Valentine’s Day actually made me despise Valentine’s Day even more.
Valentine’s Day is in theaters today
Movie Review: Book of Eli
Summary: A post-apocalyptic action-drama about a man who walks a destroyed America. He owns a special book for which others are hunting.Review: I personally like post-apocalyptic flicks, no matter how many versions of it hits theaters and bomb. I enjoy seeing what people’s visions are of a future where there are no cell phones, internet, or television (although in this movie you can still charge an iPod!). Therefore, I truly wanted to like Book of Eli, but as hard as I tried – and Lord knows I did – I just couldn’t muster up the enjoyment for the sketchy plot, poor cinematography and an inconceivable twist ending.
Even Denzel Washington, whose acting is stellar even with the problematic script, looks bored as he mopes through the flick. The two-time Oscar winner seems uninterested and it’s no surprise since he recently said he wanted to get back to stage: “I find a lot of the movies are formulaic. I know a lot of people love them — and believe me, I’m glad they do — but I just think they’ve become formulaic.” Washington is a stone-cold actor and placing him in a movie like Book of Eli downplays his gifts.
Book of Eli is the Hughes Brothers’ first film since 2001’s From Hell. In case you didn’t catch From Hell, which was critically bashed, the Hughes Brothers are also known for unforgettable films like Menace II Society and Dead Presidents. In this movie, the Hugheses seem as lost as Eli. The movie madly bounces around the screen with a warrior who can do damage with a sword coupled with a young girl who happens to always look like a supermodel even though she rarely has soap and water – yeah, it’s one of those. Then, there is the “twist ending” (usually if it’s stressed there is a twist ending, it’s more like a knotty ending), which was eye-rolling and stuffed with religious and political agendas.
After Book of Eli, I hope the Hughes Brothers abandon these wannabe Hollywood glamor flicks and go back to gritty, raw dramas — like Dead Presidents and Menace II Society — that made their work so fresh, original and groundbreaking.
Book of Eli is in theaters now.
Movie Review: Daybreakers
Summary: Due to one single bat, an outbreak spread and vampires rule the world. In order to survive, these sleek vamps need human blood, but 10 years after the outbreak, in 2019, humans are becoming extinct. The powers that be need to find a substitute for blood or the vampires will die. But, does this substitute mean the humans will survive or will only the elite get the taste of real blood?Review: I thought every possible vampire plot had been sucked out of Hollywood, but here comes Daybreakers, which seemed like a fresh idea on an ancient tale. Directed by the Spierig Brothers, Daybreakers had the potential to be great, but somewhere between the CNN vampires (I’m not joking) and the demands for “more blood in my coffee!,” this gory movie landed with a stake right through the plot.
Ethan Hawke stars as a vampire who wants to save the human race and despises his vamp ways. Unfortunately, he is the only vamp who feels this way — his brother, his boss and the rest of the fanged globe just want him to stop the whining and find a substitute for human blood. You know, kind of like soy milk. On his quest for vegan blood, he finds another way — to no longer be a vampire.
This reversal of vampire fortune is the deadliest bite to Daybreakers – it’s a complete betrayal to the premise of vampire stories. Vampires can somehow convert back to being mere mortals? If only the kids of Twilight had this option! While the movie is shaky from the start, the vampire conversion twist burns the storyline to a predictable, useless and often campy mess.
In attempts at redemption, The Spierig Brothers added cutesy details in this world of vampires. Vampires will die in the sun so they have specialized cars to block the rays. Also, because time gets away from vamps and you never know when daybreak is going to pop up, there are automated “UV warnings” to let all the bloodsuckers know it’s time to slip back in their IKEA-like coffins. These intricacies make the flick intriguing at times, but not enough attention was given to the meat of the movie. Then, there is the lazy CGI that would embarrass even the Syfy Channel.
Despite a few jumps in your seat and some hilarious explosions of body parts, I’ve seen better special effects in a Nintendo DS video game and stronger plotlines on the back of a Count Chocula cereal box.
Daybreakers is in theaters today.
Ten Worst Films of ‘09
In order to have the good, you need the bad. Check out the list below for my top ten worst films of 2009.10. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
“An uninformed audience is left with a movie that feels like 90210 meets Mr. Wizard. I’d rather watch David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear for 153 minutes than endure this flick’s trite magic tricks.”9. Paranormal Activity (2009)
“I respect filmmakers who can make a film for $11,000. However, ten minutes of this movie could’ve been on YouTube and it would’ve been an internet sensation. As a feature length film, many viewers will be horrified with boredom at this drip of a movie.”8. He’s Just Not That Into You
” Works as an hour episode of Oprah or a thirty-minute episode of Sex and the City, but as a full length movie — I’m just not that into it.”7. Knowing
“Knowing that ‘Knowing’ is not worth your money is probably your best bet in movies to not pay for this weekend.”6. Friday the 13th
“Friday the 13th Part 12 will not sell at the box office, so they toss the word ‘remake’ out there to dupe its audience into another installment of this crappy horror flick.”5. The Unborn
“The Unborn is a story that should have remained untold and will be forgotten by the end of the weekend.”4. District 9
” Overall, with aliens that look like a crossbreed of roaches and lobsters, District 9 is a bad episode of Star Trek meets an insipid Apartheid mini-series. This was one disappointing sci-fi spectacle.”3. Disgrace
“The person snoring next to me is a perfect example of how colossally insignificant this fatiguing and strenuous flick is with its implausibility, unrecognizable characters and tattered plot line.”2. The Haunting in Connecticut
” If you can solve 0 plus 0, you can predict the ending.”1. The Uninvited
“Just to set the taste level, the first line in The Uninvited is ‘I love you, I have a condom.’ Yep, the bar is already lowered.”Ten Best Films of ‘09
It’s been an amazing year in film with so many diverse movies — you’ve laughed, cried, learned and been entertained. Whether it was Mo’Nique’s gut-wrenching performance in Precious, Michael Moore’s biting commentary in Capitalism: A Love Story, or the high-octane energy from Star Trek — films may have been the only thing that got you through a year of global economic distress.I have seen countless movies this year; here are my selections for the 10 most impactful, entertaining and well done films of 2009. Sound off in the comments!
10. Star Trek (Zoe Saldana, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto)
“Normally, 11 versions equates disaster, but somehow, some way, director J.J. Abrams and the creators of Star Trek managed to pull off the best sci-fi movie since The Matrix.”9. Tyson (Documentary)
“Some parts are hilarious, some are heartbreaking and whether or not you think Mike is a rapist or saint — you can’t help but feel his truth.”7. More Than a Game (Documentary)
“Deeply inspiring. That said, for every young kid who sees More Than a Game and thinks they are the next LeBron James — it should be mandatory to watch 1994’s Hoop Dreams.”6. Good Hair (Documentary)
“Quite brilliantly, Chris Rock skillfully peeled back archaic layers, opening up a dialogue that could’ve been volatile. His natural talent made the doc hilarious and thought-provoking, rising above race and gender.”5. American Violet (Nicole Beharie, Alfre Woodard)
“It’s not enough for a movie to have a Black cast for it to be good, it must have good writing, engaging stories and impassioned actors. This film has all three.”4. Valentino: the Last Emperor (Documentary)
“In a time where fashion is reduced to tawdry reality shows, Valentino: The Last Emperor reinjects the sophistication and elegance in what some say is a lost art form.”3. Bruno (Sacha Baron Cohen)
“Yes, Bruno is in ‘gay face’ if you will, but when going beyond the surface, he is clearly turning the mirror on us and saying, ‘Do you see how stupid these stereotypes are?’”2. Michael Jackson’s This Is It (Documentary)
“Fan or not, in This Is It, you don’t see death, just life. There is no sadness or tears; you walk out with a smile. Forget the controversies, this is truly who Michael Jackson was – his music. It’s a film that you don’t want to end.”1. Precious: Based on the Novel PUSH by Sapphire (Mo’Nique, Gabourey Sidibe and Mariah Carey)
“Clearly, the best film of the year. Mo’Nique’s performance? Even if Bette Davis, Joan Crawford and Katherine Hepburn all came back from the dead — they could not pull that Oscar out of Mo’Nique’s hands.”Movie Review: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Summary: Padded with trippy CGI sequences, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is about a traveling, broke theatre group that invites people into the mind of a doctor that reveals their imagination. A man named Tony is picked up along the way, but after deals with the devil, imagination gets the best of everyone.Review: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is Heath Ledger’s final movie. Production was halted after the Oscar winner’s death in January 2008. Only one-third of the movie was filmed; the director, Terry Gilliam, clearly tried his best to make the film work. Gilliam even admitted when Ledger passed that he thought the film could not be completed. For some final scenes Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law were used as fill-ins, which actually worked — but this is about all that worked in this fantasy blunder.
As a viewer, you truly want The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus to be a good movie; one can only imagine the challenges (and sadness) Gilliam and the crew dealt with after the passing of Ledger. Disappointingly, this flick misses the mark in nearly every capacity. The plot is empty-headed, the writing is bland and even though the movie is gaudy, there is a big chunk of substance missing. It’s hard to tell if the film would’ve been any better even if Ledger had lived to complete the project.
Movies that revolve around “going in the mind” can either result in catastrophe or success. If you are traveling in the imagination then what exactly is the storyline? Gilliam bounces from one sequence to another, almost like a video game. Nothing links together and the viewer can rarely follow a coherent storyline. Thankfully, the acting is strong — Ledger and his co-stars aren’t amateurs. In addition, the special effects are solid, even if it’s over-the-top, but all effects and an unengaging plot doesn’t make a good movie, unless it’s Avatar of course.
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is an acidic combo of a Super Mario Bros. game on a disastrous drug trip and a bad Lady Gaga video — however, both Mario and Gaga have better premises.
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