This Whole Shagging thing (part 1)- by Naomi Lucas

My friend and I went to see a movie at The Palms a few weeks back. We watched ‘The Last Air Bender’ or something like that. My friend found the movie so boring, she asked me to wake her up when it was over, and for good measure, put her big head on my shoulder and promptly went to sleep. I felt the movie was tacky too, but I stayed awake, reminding myself that the ticket cost N1500, the cost of six 20-in-1 DVDs at Ojuelegba under bridge :)

After the torture, we headed for the car park, swearing to always watch previews before going to see any movie. Parked directly opposite our car was this really huge SUV. It made what we drove look like a key holder, lol. That’s beside the point anyway. Point is, in the car with his back turned to us, was a guy and a chic, em, shagging right under the harsh glare of security lights and making really weird noises. I looked at my friend, she looked at me and we both looked at the machine in front of us. ‘Babe, is this what I think it is?’ I asked truly stunned. ‘Yup’, she replied without missing a beat. I stood there for like a full minute before realising I was staring. As we drove off, the most amazing thing happened-the chic got up and waved at us. My friend waved back, laughing hysterically. I was too stunned to speak. I kept muttering, ‘She waved at us, she actually waved at us. Can you imagine?’



As if that wasn’t enough, the very next day, I went for some exhibition on the Island with another friend. The clothes were frigging expensive so we just looked around and praised the designer and ate his small chops and drank Chapman and collected his card and left knowing we were never going to call. To end a lovely evening, my friend and I, with some friends of hers, decided to do chicken @ KFC. We got there, placed our order and sat. There was just one guy among like, 6 of us.

Now there’s something you must know about me and KFC. I go there to do Ice cream. There’s this cone Ice cream they sell called soft twirl; it tastes like paradise and wait for this-it’s a hundred bucks. Since my friend shared the good news with me, I look for every reason to take that route so I can get some. I mean its N100, how cool is that? Oya, go ahead and say it, I like awoof abi? Who doesn’t, lol

While the girls chattered about everything worth chattering about, I kept quiet and ate my Ice cream and then out of the blues one of the girls said, ‘ Bosun*, when was the last time you had sex?’ I paused, mid-swallow, to listen; I mean these were very young girls, single and fly and uninhibited...

* Bosun's not her real name.

To be continued.

Naomi Lucas